Recently my husband and I took our two young children to a popular amusement park for a day of fun in the sun. And while the day was still a riot, we definitely picked up some pointers along the way on how to make the most of any theme park adventure. If you prefer not to end the day with two sunburnt kids, two pairs of spewed-on shoes and two hours of lost time spent looking for the car, then here are some tips on what NOT to do.

Don’t Check a Map

Why check a map when there are signs everywhere? If you really want to start the day on the right foot, make sure you spend at least a half an hour driving past the exit and trying to get back on the main road. It makes everyone super calm and happy when you finally do get there.

Eat, then Ride

Make the rides more exciting by filling your kids with fizzy drinks and fried foods and then suggest going on the upside-down and whirly rides. Whoever spews first wins a prize!

Bring Nothing

Sure, the parks have everything you need for the day, right? Food, water, extra clothes. So don’t bring anything. As I recently learned, you can easily purchase t-shirts for outrageous prices from the gift shops when your son pukes. And then you can return to the same shop and buy another one after he does it again!

Get Lost

Make sure you and your husband split up during the day and don’t make a plan where and when to meet. That way you can spend half your day wandering through the crowds. And forget your cellphones too. It’s more fun that way.

Don’t Take a Break

There is so much to see and do in an amusement park that taking time to get your bearings and relax will only slow you down. So instead, run, rush and push through the crowds. And if the kids are slowing you down with their desires to take a break or have a drink of water, drag them by their t-shirts and ignore their piercing screams.

Skip the Shows and the Sights

All theme parks have great shows going on during the day, designed to let you have a break from the ride chaos. To make your day really cringe worthy, walk past these awesome features and hit the largest lines instead.

Be sure to ignore these rules for an actual fun family outing to any amusement park. After all, this is what NOT to do when visiting an amusement park. Or, take my advice and add some more adventure to the day by arriving hungover after pulling an all-nighter the evening before. Or, to really mix it up, invite the aging in-laws to come along with you.

Because visiting a theme park with kids isn’t crazy enough on its own.